Category: Blog

Hi. As some of you may know by now, we had our first IVF transfer on August 12 where we transferred 2 of our embryos. We found out on Friday, the 25th, that our pregnancy test was negative and the transfer didn’t work.

We are feeling all of the feelings. Sadness, anger, frustration… But we also feel all of the support and prayers around us. Thank you for that.

To back up a little bit, we had our egg retrieval on August 7 and they were able to retrieve 25 eggs. Of the 25, 17 were fertilized and 6 made it to embryos. We transferred two embryos by choice and by our doctor’s opinion.

Next steps

We have 4 frozen embryos that we are going to continue to try with. We are not giving up. We are not sure if we will be taking a little break or if we will jump right back in at this time. It is a lot of money and emotional and physical energy to go through all of it.

I’m sharing all of this because I have received so much support after sharing that I don’t know if I could do it without the support of my family and friends. Thank you all so much for being there for us and supporting us in so many ways!

I’m also sharing to support others who may be going through similar things and may need someone to talk to about it. I get it.

That’s the update for now. Thanks for reading.

In my last blog post, I shared that I had a polypectomy and D&C and I had a diagnosis of hyperplasia of the cells. I also mentioned that I was on progesterone supplementation to help with this.
I had my follow up endometrial biopsy and the results came back that I am negative for hyperplasia/abnormality! Thank you to everyone who was praying for these results!

The game plan

I am now back on birth control pills to allow my body to get back to baseline after the biopsy and progesterone. I will be taking those for three weeks and then will have my baseline ultrasound and start injections. My egg retrieval should land the beginning of August with my embryo transfer following.
We are very excited and hopeful! But infertility/IVF also comes with feelings of doubt and nervousness that things won’t work out. It’s really easy to give in to the fear and push against the faith that things will work out.

Prayer requests

1. Our faith will stay in control of our fears
2. My body will respond to the medications and my follicles will grow
3. The egg retrieval will go smoothly
4. We will transfer a healthy embryo
5. Pregnancy!

I will update as much as I can! As always, thanks for reading this and being there for us!

As most of you may know, Lance and I have been given the opportunity to do IVF with a grant. We were so excited to be starting this month in June.
I had a saline ultrasound on Friday the 26th of May where they found polyps in my uterus. On this past Wednesday, I had surgery to undergo a polypectomy to remove the polyps and a D&C to clean out my uterus. I had three small polyps and they took a biopsy on my endometrial cells. I have been diagnosed with hyperplasia without atypia.
The good that I have seen in this is that atypia means that there are no cancerous cells present, and we were able to catch it. If I were to get pregnant (which would be near impossible because the egg would probably not fertilize or implant due to the structure of things) I would have had a higher chance of miscarrying with this diagnosis. We have no clue how long this has been happening and if it has been the reason for not being able to get pregnant. So we are grateful to find it out now.

We are still hopeful, it is just hard to have plans and then have them ripped out from under you all of the time. Let alone the stress of timing, there’s also the physical and emotional toll this all takes on both of us. Lance is a trooper dealing with me and my hormonal self 😅 We are very grateful to Baby Quest for being understanding as this was not in our control and they are willing to wait and help us still.

So the plan is that I will be taking progesterone for 4 weeks and then I will have a follow up biopsy to check the endometrial cells again to see if I can continue with IVF. Then I will hopefully start the IVF process in July.

Prayer requests:

-clean and clear biopsy in four weeks after hormone supplementation

-healthy recovery after polypectomy and D&C surgery

-peace, hope, and faith for the future

As always, thank you for being our support system and holding us up when we need it. It really takes a village. Thanks for reading this!
I’ll keep you posted.

Abby

These are some songs I have been listening to that have been bringing me strength and comfort as we are going through this season of waiting. I made a list of songs like this when Lance was going through cancer treatment and thought I would share some of the ones I have been listening to now while going through this season of waiting through infertility.

Top 10 Songs:

1. “In the Waiting” by Kina Grannis. This song is talking about how “life is in the waiting” and that we shouldn’t forget to keep living in the moment as we are going through the time of waiting. I think another part of why I like this song is the timbre of her voice and the acoustic background music that she has. It’s calming and grounding.
2. “Truth I’m Standing On” by Leanna Crawford. This song is talking about those doubts and fears that we have but also the hope and goodness that we find in God’s promises. The Truth is that He is faithful forever and won’t let us fall. All the pain will have a purpose, even if we can’t see it yet.
3. “Build a Boat” by Colton Dixon. Words that come to my mind when I hear this song are hope, faith, trust, and promise.
4. “Still” by Amanda Cook. When we are facing fear, we need to remember that God is always there, to remember to be still know that He is God.
5. “Still” by Hilary Scott & The Scott Family. Sometimes we try to take control of whatever it is we are holding on to in our lives. This song helps to remind us that God is always there to move mountains and answer our prayers before we even speak them. All we need to be is still.
6. “Even If” by MercyMe. My favorite lyrics are “I know You’re able and I know You can, save through the fire with your mighty hand, but even if You don’t, my hope is You alone”
7. “After Dark” by Tori Harper. You just have to listen to all of the lyrics of this song. I love it so much! Here’s the chorus: “There’s life after sadness, there is hope after madness, there is joy after a broken heart, and there’s light after the dark”.
8. “Fear is a Liar” by Zach Williams. One thing I keep remembering is that faith is greater than fear, and this song helps to remind me of that.
9. “I will fear no more” by The Afters. Some of my favorite lyrics “You’re my courage when I worry in the dead of night, You’re my strength ‘cuz I’m not strong enough to win this fight, You are greater than the battle raging in my mind, I will trust you Lord, I will fear no more”.
10. “Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle. This one has been one of my favorites for a long time. “When you don’t give the answers, as I cry out to you, I will trust in You”.

These are just some of the songs that have helped me walk through this journey. What are some that you would add?

Hello! It has been a little over 6 months since my last blog post and I just want to say Lance and I have been living life to the fullest. We have been staying busy with our jobs and various things we have with family and friends.

Since April, we went on a trip to Nashville in May with our family, we celebrated our 7-year anniversary in June, we went camping and fishing a few times in the summer months, we went to Minneapolis to go to Valley Fair and to see the Twins play in August, and in September we celebrated 3 years of Lance being cancer free.

Now that it is October, I am excited about all things Fall and pumpkin. I have made pumpkin bars a handful of times and plan to share the recipe I love here on the blog in the next week. My house has been decorated with pumpkin everything since the first of September and I’m not sad about it one bit.

Journey to Baby Update…

Over the summer, we went on a break from trying medicated cycles and we just lived life for a little bit. Nobody can warn you enough about the impact that those hormones, drugs, and stress of it all will have on your overall quality of life.

We have decided to start trying again with medicated cycles and decide if we need to go to IUI or IVF if it does not work out. What is a medicated cycle, you ask? It means I am on some medications to help me with growing my follicles, help with ovulation, and take hormone supplements to help me get and stay pregnant.

Trying to Stay Positive

Finding the positives throughout all of this and remembering those positives are what keep me going. I have friends and family who are there for me to talk to me, cry with me, and listen to me complain. I have a great, amazing, wonderful husband who is supportive in whatever decision we make together and is always loving on me in every way.

And I have a future baby someday that is going to hear about how much they are loved and have been wanted. That is what keeps me going through it all.

We hope you are doing well wherever you are in the world and continue to keep looking for the positives in whatever life throws your way!

Today is my 28th birthday. 

I don’t know about you, but I get pretty contemplative and reflective around birthdays. 

Not only do I think about all the blessings I have in my life, I also start to think about all of the things I have yet to accomplish that I quite haven’t yet. It’s easy to go down a rabbit trail real fast when you think on these thoughts. 

Podcasts and Books

I am starting to read my pre-ordered copy of “Embrace Your Almost” by Jordan Lee Dooley and I love this quote from it: “Remember. Just because you may not be at your destination doesn’t mean you’re at a dead end. You’re simply on divine middle ground.”

Jordan Dooley’s words are so powerful. You can pre order her book here. 

While I am in this “divine middle ground” of waiting to be a mother and growing up another year older, it is so important to find ways to continue to live in ways that will enrich my life. 

I have been filling my mind lately with some good podcasts and books to help with my mental health. I have learned that I can have a negative mindset or start my days with a positive mindset. 

One podcast I have been listening to is “The Good Day Podcast with Sarah Joy”. In one of her episodes, she talks about waking up and choosing a “filter” for how you are going to live your day. “Are you choosing a filter that empowers you or breaks you down?”

Usually, the people who use gratitude every day bring more joy into their life. The habit of gratitude journaling can increase your happiness so much more in your life. Read about it in an article here.

I really think this is important to remember in my life, especially when life is really hard and weird and funky and upsetting. 

Let’s be real

I’m not going to lie, I haven’t felt like myself for the past few months since I had Covid in January, then a tooth infection that got pretty bad (I won’t go into the details except that I did have to get a root canal and then ended up getting it pulled yesterday anyway) I have been on 5 different rounds of antibiotics now since the end of January all the while taking hormone medications and trying for a baby. 

While yes I can complain about this and let it knock me down, I can also change my mindset and my “filter” and try to remember the positives in my life. 

Do you remember the time I wrote about Lance’s diagnosis and how I didn’t understand why he was diagnosed? Sometimes I think of this and I wonder if it all was because we needed a mindset shift. This isn’t to say that I’m grateful this happened, but I’m just trying to learn through the tough stuff in life and find a meaning for it. Maybe we are struggling to have babies purely because of God’s timing, or maybe we need to be humbled and remember that every day is a gift. Every life is a gift. 

What’s something that maybe you’re going through that is hard that you may have to find the life lesson in? 

How can you choose a positive mindset for your day? 

I’m hoping these contemplative and reflective thoughts can bring you some hope today. Thanks for reading my blog. Here’s to year 28!

My manifestations for the year: 

Year 28 is going to be the year I work through what I go through in a healthy and positive way. 

Year 28 is going to be the year I choose gratitude daily. 

Year 28 is going to be the year we grow our family. 

Dear Abby pre-trying to conceive (2018),

Start trying before you are ready. Because when you do, it will take a long time to get pregnant. There is no “perfect” time to have a baby. You can’t plan it, as much as you will try to.

You will have to go on medication to help you ovulate, get shots in your belly, get multiple ultrasounds, have many doctor’s appointments, and have lots of blood tests. All of this to be told you have unexplained infertility.

You will get tired of the waiting. You will get upset at every negative pregnancy test you see but then start to get numb to it when it continues to happen month after month.

You will start to feel negative emotions about yourself. You will have negative thoughts that make you think that you won’t be able to conceive or grow or have a baby. You will then feel guilty about this because some people may not ever be able to have a baby and you have a chance, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Just because something isn’t happening for you right now doesn’t mean that it will never happen.

You will get upset when you walk through stores and see baby clothes, even just a baby stroller might make you upset some days. You will also struggle when seeing pregnancy announcements on social media. You will feel guilty when you get upset about these things because it’s not anyone else’s fault that you are going through this.

But even through all of this, you will have the greatest support system and the most amazing, caring, and loving husband. You will have amazing doctors and medicine to help you along your journey. You will continue to advocate for your health. You will learn many other people walk through this, too. There will always be someone there to talk to.

You are never alone.

And I hope you keep the faith that someday soon you will have a baby,

because I am still keeping the faith, four years later.

From,

Still trying to conceive Abby, 2022.

Extra Support for TTC community

I found some clarity of community reading this blog post from a fellow blogger trying to conceive.

The Fertility Warriors is a podcast I listen to about trying to conceive.

I am in a support group on Facebook that is for those who are trying to conceive. If you want to be added to the group, reach out to me.

I plan on creating some posts about things that have encouraged me on this journey so be on the lookout for those.

If you haven’t read about our journey trying to conceive, read about it here.

It has taken me a while to decide to tell our story on here. But then I think about all of the times that I look back on things I have written, remember all of the hardship we have walked through, and have seen all of the goodness that comes out of it.

I know it might be hard for my family and friends to read about this but I want you to know that I do not want your pity from any of it. I just need to share and get it off of my chest. I just ask that you support us and don’t try to give unsolicited advice about any of it.

The Journey…

Lance and I have been trying to conceive for the past 2+ years without any luck. We have been to fertility specialists, have been on multiple medications, and have been taking all of the supplements we need to make it happen. We have talked about IUI and/or IVF, and those procedures will be next if we cannot get pregnant on medications alone.

The doctors have diagnosed me with unexplained infertility, which means there is no explanation for why we are not conceiving. I have had issues with low progesterone, ovarian cysts, and more. Lance has been checked thoroughly, twice, since he has finished cancer treatment. Everything is good on his end.

What is the hardest about all of this is the unknown, the wishing and hoping each month that it will be different, the constant excitement and letdown with each pregnancy test, and seeing people become pregnant around us, seemingly with no issues.

What is also hard is people continually asking or hinting at us having babies, yet little do they know what we have been going through. Just remember to be kind to others and be aware that everyone is going through their own battles.

The thing that I am clinging onto the most is this:

“When the time is right, I, the Lord will make it happen.” Isaiah 60:22

I know that God has a plan for all of us, including Lance and me, and our future babies. It’s just so hard to keep remembering that in the dark days and hard times of life.

I guess I mostly wanted to write this here to get it off my chest, to have people understand what we are going through, and to build a community for anyone else who is currently going through infertility. I see you, I hear you, I empathize with you, I am you.

We are holding onto hope, God’s promises, and faith that we will be blessed with our own baby Roseland someday soon.